So many titles, So little space

There are thousands of possible titles for this blog. Here's a selection, you may chose your favourite.
-Who wants to be the first to say I told you so
-the missionary position (it's crude and but it had to be done, my parents will be appalled)
-Deep breath in
-Thank God for time differences (it gives me three hours to write this before anybody will read it)
-I WILL call you later to talk to you. Mum, Dad. Promise
-No I'm not coming home anytime soon
-Sarah, you know that field we talked about-I don't think mine has any fences!

So who's been feeling a disturbance in the force this weekend (Little Sarah you can't tell me is coming as a shock to you-just read on)
Although I'm having a great time here and the people are famtastic for the last week or so I've been feeling...well useless. Like there's not a lot I can really do here so what's the point. Like the good little messed up teenager I am I wrote all this down in my good old diary. Which good old Samuel read. Let's just say it wasn't all a completely positive reflection on things.
That was early in Saturday morning. We spoke on Saturday night-at first I felt like it was a disaster, that I'd made a huge mistake. But we have to learn from our mistakes.
In some respects this is the biggest mistake I've ever made so it follows that I must be about to learm the biggest lesson.
The long and the short of it is that I'm leaving Nakuru, yes you did read that right-please stop shouting at the screen in disbelif and allow me to explain. Though as I said I will ring you later when it's a decent hour for you. It's a combination of things (namely being asked to leave whilst at the same time kind of wanting to.)
There are times here when I've felt like a lot of pressure was being put on me to provide financially for the church-which obviously I can't, there are times when I've felt like I was 7000km away from anyone who understood me and terribly sorry for myself. That was all in the diary.
There's also been times when I've felt like I was having the time of my life, that in this church I'd found a second family and some of the most fantastic friends I'll ever make. That wasn't in the diary, during those times I was far too busy enjoying myself to waste time writing it all down.
On Saturday night I was ready to blame Samuel for everything, for invading by privacy and breaking my trust but then I got to thinking. He wouldn't have read it if i hadn't left it lying around. I wouldn't have left it lying around unless God wantied someone to read it. Be as sceptical as you want but that's what I think.
God knew that the best thing for me was to be somewhere else so he tailored events that way knowing that as soon as Samuel knew what was happening inside me he'd take control of what was happening outside.
Two weeks ago I visiting preacher prophesied over me (again feel free to be as sceptical as you see fit) saying that comfort wasn't for me. I was thinking about that on Saturday before I spoke to Samuel and realised that in Nakuru I'm too comfortable, I have my own room, a hot shower in the morning and a hot meal at night. And I realised that throughout the prophesy (which said many other things but that don't need to be gone into right now) were so many things that seemed to be God shouting really loudly telling me that my time is up here. That he has a purpose for me and whatever that is I can't do it in Nakuru.
Then in the evening all of this happened-and I didn't feel scared, it wasn't a shock. Okay it was but not the really bad end of the world kind.
So I woke up on Sunday morning feeling really good about things. And then at church there was another prophet (don't you just hate when God does these things to you). She preached a fantastic sermon on freedom and faith (or at least that's what I got from it) and then invited people to the front for prayer.
When she came to me and asked me what I wanted God to give me for the first time in my life I was able to say from the bottom of my heart that I didn't want anything, I just wanted to give thanks that God has a much better handle on things than I do. She was praying as normal and then out of nowhere just said 'thank you that she is free and you know what God is not finished with you yet' and went onto say that if I want to fully recieve all that he has instore for me then I need to widen my horizons and see a much bigger picture. As before you can all be as sceptical as you like but to me that can only be a good thing.
My plan is to go and chill out this week in Nyehururu just north of here. There's a waterfall and a campsite and I figure I can just clear my head a bit. Then I'm going to go to Rwanda (my French is much better than my Swahili, plus it's a free visa for EU citizens, good old colonialism).
I might even make it down as far as Malawi (another free visa) then Tanzania as had been the plan all along. I've looked at it and I do have enough money. I know when I ring you you're all going to tell me to come home (that's if I ring you before you read this and ring me as is inevitable) but I hope you'll understand that this is actually the best possible outcome and I couldn't be more thrilled. If I were anymore optimistic I think they'd have to hunt me down and shoot me.
In answer to your inevitable question Liz, yes you can copy and paste the whole of that into the next magazine making reference to Acts 6:16 (I've not got my Bible with me so I hope that's right). It's where it says that Paul and Silas took that route purely because the spirit made them. The Spirit in this case is not being quite as subtle as it was then, I think it knows that subtlety doesn't work with me!
Samuel also has numbers and e-mail addresses so he'll be contacting you later just to tell you that I'm not his responsibility anymore. Don't get mad at him, he's done nothing wrong-but don't let him pin any of it on me either. I'm not ashamed of what I wrote because at the time those were my honest opinions, it would be wrong of me to not defend them. I'm sorry but I'm not ashamed.
Think this is the longest thing I've ever written so I'll call it a day there.